WOW PMS, right?!?!?!?! A force to be reckoned with. No one would disagree it seems. I’m 25 days into a 30-day cleanse, which includes no sugar and no alcohol. Let me tell you – the PMS was a real challenge this week! I’m getting through it, but it’s been rough. There was a time, back in my late 20s and early 30s, when PMS ruled me. Thank god those days are over. I took responsibility and control. How, you ask? Well, first by recognizing the moment I started becoming “difficult”, i.e. bitchy, or recognizing, that ironically everyone else was bothering me; then second, by investing in some herbal remedies that quickly helped with the hormonal imbalance. It was quite easy, really. Well, #1 wasn’t so easy – you know – admitting it wasn’t ok to just be bitchy because I was pms; but #2 was certainly easy and fortunately for me my body responded well.
I find it easy to have orgasms leading up to starting my period and not as easy for a couple of days right when I’m done with my period. Why do I say this? To reaffirm in your minds, ladies, that you NEED to know your bodies and the small nuances that make them tick. Recognizing this about myself by paying close attention to what my body is saying has helped me tremendously because I know it just takes a little longer for a few short days in the month to get myself over the edge into bliss-ville. No need for frustration! I don’t know about you, but if my mind starts taking over while I’m close to cumming, but not cumming, then that becomes a real problem. Then I usually have to stop and recognize that it’s all ok, and push forward. What kinds of things may go through my mind? “I’m taking too long”; “He’s getting bored waiting for me to cum”; “He’s tired”; “This is annoying, why can’t I cum?”. Shit like that. Just plain ‘ol stupid self-shit-talk.
WHO KNOWS WHAT, IF ANYTHING?
Why do I think it’s so important to KNOW yourselves? Because, ladies: Men DO NOT know if or when you are going to cum. You owe it first to yourself and second to him to TELL HIM what you need from him. And if you don’t know what you need to do to make yourself cum, how will you be able to tell him what to do to make you cum? “Guide him” are good words to use to describe what he needs from you. Guide his hands. Guide his body. Position yourself. Use your words gently to describe what’s happening and guide him through what you’ll need next to push you over the edge. Or, it may be that you aren’t even close to cumming and you need a complete change. Make that happen. Like I said earlier, if I start shit-talking to myself that maybe I’m taking too long, well, then I usually have to stop and express that to my partner, so that I can move on. I’m talking like a 30 second break here, not an hour break; but that’s me – you take the time you need.
If you choose to fuck a guy twice, and after the second time it is clear he’s shown no interest, or very little interest, in whether or not you are cumming, then GET OUT, dump his ass; kick him to the curb; as in, will you please not see him ever again??? How else can I say it? Promise me you will do this FOR YOURSELF.
Why do women allow this to happen – why don’t we make OUR orgasm just as much of a priority as HIS orgasm? And why fake? I just don’t get that. Stop feeling BAD. Stop feeling like you’re going to hurt his feelings. Who gives a fuck?? Seriously. Is he giving a fuck that he’s just using YOU to get off, he’s using your vagina instead of his hand or a plastic doll (which is all he deserves to get off with)?? No, he’s not concerned if he hasn’t shown an interest in your orgasm or doesn’t listen to your words, your actions, your body language. But this is entirely on YOU ladies. Stop spreading your legs for men who don’t care to get you off NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES to get you off. It varies entirely with each woman. Reaching orgasm happens in as many ways as there are people. Get it?!?!?! YES, you are unique in how you cum and that is NORMAL.
I asked the man I trust implicitly to respond honestly to my questions regarding sex. Also, he’s a qualified man who I know is experienced in seeing women cum (me, for one). I asked him if he felt 100% positive when a woman cums… if he felt he could detect a fake. Honestly? I expected him to respond YES. Further, I expected him to respond 100% yes. Lol I guess because I know he knows when I’m cumming. Haha. But you know what he said? NO, NOT AT ALL because it is just so easy for a good actress to fake it, is what he said. I asked him if he could put a percentage on his confidence, if any confidence…. he simply said, 50% because it could really go either way.
What I expected to do next was poll several other men, after getting the “base-line” from my master lover. His response would affect all other responses; it still does affect other responses I gathered but I ended up NOT polling men and instead, polling women. I asked a number of my lady friends: “If a man were asking: how do I tell PHYSICALLY that you are about to cum or have just cum … what would you say? What are your signs [that you are about to cum or have cum]? Is being wet ALWAYS a factor?”
I asked this because I thought I could change the direction of my own thought process and give some hints to you guys out there who ARE interested in making your woman cum. I was hoping for some consistencies because what I truly intended to do is say – guys, seriously, look – there’s consistent things you can look for when a woman is going to cum or is about to cum or has cum already. But, nope. I didn’t get that. Instead, what I got was what is at the HEART of this blog post: cumming is as different as each woman is unique and different. What does this mean? This is on YOU, ladies. Your orgasm is entirely up to you. MEN DON’T KNOW and how are they supposed to know – telepathy? THAT is why this is on us as women, to guide and lead.
I’m really desirous that EVERY woman reclaims her orgasm, if she has lost it. In partnership; not in one-night-stands (which is why if you fuck ‘em twice and they aren’t showing interest, you must drop ‘em like a hot potato). It starts with FIRST of all – knowing how to cum by yourself! If you don’t know – please add it to your 2018 list of goals and things to accomplish.
I’m desirous that ALL faking of orgasms STOP. Either quit fucking the dude or do him the favor of passing along some guidance for fucks’ sake (literally for your fuck’s sake). You owe it to yourself, to him, and to ALL women. How’s that for some pressure?
THE REAL QUESTION
When did we pass the baton? When did we hand-off our orgasm to men? When did we decide that the decision of whether or not we are going to cum is up to a man? When did we let go of the control over whether or not we even have a good time in bed for that matter? It’s time to grab back the baton; grab back our orgasm; grab back having a good time in bed AND cumming! I know what some of you are saying to yourselves, well, I like having sex and it feels good and it doesn’t really matter to me if I cum or not. STOP that. That’s ONLY ok if you are cumming 98% of the time with your partner (the other 2% you are giving him blowjobs because you enjoy getting him off while he’s on a quick break from work). Otherwise, start guiding and conversing and getting that JOB done.
Yes, I know, it can feel like a job or a chore. When I was teaching myself how to squirt – it was a little like learning a new dance routine. Practice makes perfect. Practice can get boring; but then when the performance rolls around – aren’t you glad you practiced? By the way – I’m still teaching myself how to squirt while cumming! It takes TIME and consistency and well, basically it takes discipline.
Responsibility comes with cumming. Responsibility for ensuring we will communicate our needs, our desires to the men we choose to become intimate with. And if they don’t immediately respond positively, and I mean immediately, as I begged earlier, they get dumped. Wtf #timesup! Time is up for men being lazy and boring in bed. Time is up for women allowing men to be lazy and boring in bed. There are plenty of men out there who DO want to know their woman is cumming. But they still need OUR guidance. They cannot tell the difference if you are cumming or not. They can learn, with time, your personal signs, of course. Most importantly: you can guide them, or you can misguide them.
A friend of mine admitted to faking orgasms. When she told me, I was shocked because I really wouldn’t have expected that from her, the faking. But, it was an interesting journey to follow and hear about. They were together, or they fucked, for quite some time! She even confessed at the end to faking double orgasms!!! That dude, man, he was given the WRONG impression. To this day, I wonder if that guy is giving his wife orgasms (yes, he got married) or if she’s faking with him too. I mean, maybe he just couldn’t get my friend off but his wife loves his technique?? That could be true, right?? I sure hope so for her sake.
Take the lead! And don’t misguide. And if you don’t like what’s happening – stop what’s happening (i.e. jack hammering your head into the wall). We aren’t obligated to just lay there. Sure, there was a time when a husband could legally punish a wife. Those days are over. It’s time to reclaim the Big O!! It’s time to reclaim the Squirt! It’s time.
Guess what?? We are almost at the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of Lily’s Lip Service! Can you believe it? I can’t. Stay tuned for a V-Day post!! With an exciting announcement as well!! It’s gonna be packin’ some HEAT! Like me.
Love ya with alllllll my heart!