God there’s a LOT of coupling pressure leading up to V-Day. I mean – ladies! PLEASE, explain to me the big deal about a dozen red roses and a box of [probably shitty] chocolates. As IF I can’t easily buy this for myself. Or, dinner out. Puleeeeeze. Been there, done that OVER and OVER and OVER regardless of V-Day, with or without someone. Ya, I’ve done the 5-star restaurants and the table on the ocean front too.

Is this my “problem” with V-Day: there’s really not much I NEED from a man? There’s really not much I haven’t experienced before now or can do, get, or buy for myself should the desire arise. ….. except for a hard dick. THAT I need (from a man)…. and I want it too [DEEEEPLY]. Annnnnd there is one other thing I’ve gone on a journey to find in recent months: ROMANCE. Is it possible for a single woman to create romance with and for herself? Well, please do read on.

Romanticizing Romance.

My romance journey began when one day I was feeling lonely. It’s rare, but it does occasionally happen to sneak up on me. This feeling of loneliness. Given my life is so very extremely FULL of love and joy and friendships and loverships and career satisfaction it is truly rare for that feeling to creep in. This time when the loneliness did creep in, I sat with the feeling and allowed myself to get to the bottom of what it REALLY was about-this feeling of loneliness. And what came up was I actually felt as though I had a lack of romance in my life. And that felt like as good a reason as any to decide to launch into a search for a man. For me. One man; one woman. Him for me. And I for him. His One and only; my one and only. But, of course, then I woke up!! And immediately rejected that as a solution because Goddess knows MEN are not the solution to any problem I may have (and probably you neither). And I decided to venture on a quest of finding my own romance. With myself.

First off-what IS romance? From Google: Noun: (1) a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. (2) a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life. Interesting!!! I don’t see anything in that definition about the involvement with another person. Aha!!!! I didn’t THINK SO!

So back to all this coupling pressure… and really the reason I am here today writing for you. Because four years ago on V-Day is when I discovered the power of squirting and G-spot orgasms. Me. On my own. By myself. [Click here:

https://lilyslipservice.com/2017/02/where-it-allllll-begins-v-day-2017/#more-29

for the very first Lily’s Lip Service blog post, written 3 years ago, a year after my gushing discovery]. I didn’t need a man to do it. In fact-my thinking that I needed a man to help me do it for YEARS is what prevented me from achieving finding the squirting and gushing side of myself! (friendly reminder from previous posts: cocks and fingers can get in the way of the squirt).

I began thinking: I can squirt by myself, why not find romance by myself!

First thing I did was book myself some spa treatments. On Valentine’s Day. This year. If you are reading this on V-Day 2020 – I may be getting a massage at this very moment. Everything is just better with spa treatments. In my case-massage, mani and pedi. I also wanted a facial but couldn’t book one. {Maybe my lover will do me the honor of a facial later in the evening teehee.} I wish I could’ve booked a full body salt scrub. Oh how divine. Ever had one? Where you go into a metal room because you get on a table naked and get sprayed down, then oiled, salted, loofahed, and massaged, then sprayed down again. It doesn’t last long. Just a great way to get rid of the crap that lingers on the skin (and to keep the spa just that much cleaner). Invigorating!

Nothing like a full spa experience to create romance for one’s self. I recall fondly my days of living on Maui and having the good fortune of going to the spa at the Grand Wailea, “Spa Grande.” Good God. It was rated one of the best spas IN THE WORLD. Wasn’t cheap. At all. Their online brochure doesn’t have pricing, but I believe a one-hour massage was around $275. However, included with that pricing was enjoyment of THE SPA itself. Showers, waterfalls (for massaging the back), multiple tubs filled with hot water and various herbal tinctures and floral essences, gigantic pools that bubbled from the bottom, traditional Japanese showering stations. HOURS were spent luxuriating before and after that massage. Notice I recall it being romantic-even tho my boyfriend wasn’t present with me? Probably because he wasn’t present with me. I mean-we are exes now for a reason (but still friends). I’m sure we probably went for dinner after I was out of the spa and got into an argument-spoiling the whole day.

Here in my hometown there’s nothing quite like Spa Grande but a local spa will certainly do. As of the writing of this post-I have not yet gone. I will report back.

I DID THE cliché THING -for myself.

Second thing I did was I bought myself some red roses and chocolates (can this particular purchase be any more cliché?) I’m positive I’ve been on the receiving end of red roses in the past. It was so meaningful-I really couldn’t tell you how many times, when, or by whom. From various exes obviously. Prob a few admirers here and there. What I do recall were the random times I got FLOWERS or that time I got a red scooter or the time I got the GC to the spa!! I mean-let’s get a little creative. We can buy our own damn roses. And ladies, please, would you please raise your expectations. Either that-or can we just forget the whole damn day. For fuck’s sake it’s just made up for the benefit of commercialism and there’s too much pressure for EVERYONE to perform. At the very least I declare it shall be renamed the now-gaining-momentum: Galentine’s Day. Galentine’s even has its own card section now.

Here’s how I really feel about chocolates and red roses: I’m a chocolate snob. Jeez I’m tough to buy for. I’ve known this about myself. There is one caveat: I’m a sucker for Hershey’s Kisses. I’m fortunate in that for the most part I’m not a chocolate binger and I’ve prided myself on that. I can have a box of Godiva chocolates in my home and eat one a day for 30 days. Or a delicious dark chocolate mint bar lingering around and eat one square here and there. But a bowl of Hershey’s Kisses on my kitchen table and I have little self-control. I binge eat those fuckers. I unwrap that little foil nugget as quickly as I can so I can pop them in my mouth and hopefully always have a couple in my mouth at a time! I won’t eat the whole bag. But I will all of a sudden down 13 of them. I eat in odd numbers. 3, 5, 7, 11, 13. I left out 9 purposefully. I don’t think it’s 9 very often-more the lucky numbers like 7 and 13. Don’t ask why.

What couldn’t be luckier than binging on 13 Hershey’s choc Kisses, right?? Good Lord. Now I’m sounding cray cray. Is that PC? (along with the bitter old woman bit). But, yes, I went ahead and bought myself some Hershey’s Kisses for my favorite candy bowl and YES I’ve binged several times prior to posting this. You can see in the photo I had to fill the candy dish with those horrible tasting, but ever-so-necessary-for-Valentine’s Day, conversation hearts! and other chocolate candy.

The roses have been lovely. Because flowers are lovely. I went ahead and went a little out of my way and rather than just visiting the grocery store I went to a floral shop. This local floral shop has been around for many, many years. I love the smell when walking into a floral shop. The sweetness of thousands of flowers. I got 12 long-stemmed red roses for myself.

DON’T GET ME WRONG

Despite all this rhetoric, don’t get me wrong. I would love nothing more than to have in my life the person Alicia Keys sings about in “If I Ain’t Got You,” or the million other songs sung about THE ONE person.

Listen to Alicia here if you’d like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7yHYe9sbjo

That doesn’t seem to be my path in this life, right now anyway. What’s important to me is that I remain COMFORTABLE with being single and comfortable in my own skin as I move forward through my life. And let me just say this for the record – my friends in relationships aren’t inspiring me to be in one either. Bless them. Some of them are with amazing men and I also know some amazing single men. I’m just not lured into the romantic notion there is ONE right person for me. I’ve been down that fairy tale road. It’s a tough road! By choice I’m choosing: NOT. I own this: I’m not up for the work.

Aaack but in all sincerity there is this other side of me that wants to say to you: don’t listen to me. I sound like a bitter old woman. I DO believe in relationship; I do NOT believe in the societal pressures that it MUST happen. You do You everyone. I’m CERTAINLY doing me-in all the ways, if you know what I mean (wink wink). Bottom line: it’s perfectly OK to choose to be single.

WARNING: honesty ahead!

It’s been a while since I’ve posted and I’m headed straight into a lecture I began writing last Spring! I’m gonna drop right in and say: women are fucking up. Yep and some of us know it and are willing to acknowledge it. Men have their shortcomings. But let’s talk about OURS ladies. How are we letting men down? How are we shortchanging men? How are we sabotaging? How have we given up?

Let’s be truthful. For one – we aren’t always truthful. And I’m not talking about sharing all our deepest, darkest secrets. In fact, I’m of the perhaps unpopular opinion a person is entitled to keep some secrets if they so choose. I’m not into radical honesty. Some little white lies are welcome in my world. We all know the difference between what is and is not important. To each their own as well. What I’m getting at here are the ways women lie:

Faking orgasms.
Acting interested, even turned on, even though we just want them to “get it over with.”
Spreading our legs when we really don’t want to.
Staying. When we need to walk away.
Playing games-withholding sex like a dangling carrot.
Acting entitled to things we feel we “deserve”.

And I get it. Some of it. I’m a woman and I’ve been in relationships. There are those times when we need to “attend to” our partners even when we don’t feel like it. And here we are in 2020 and the misogyny we are dealing with is truly astounding. Shit like this. Last Spring, I Googled “vagina description,” and here was the top result:

“The vagina receives the penis during sexual intercourse and also serves as a conduit for menstrual flow from the uterus. During childbirth, the baby passes through the vagina (birth canal)……” Nov 14, 2017

I mean what in the actual FUCK?!?!?! As if the primary role of our female anatomy is to serve the male anatomy. I literally could not believe this! BUT this is also interesting. I just Googled “vagina description” again and here is the top result:

“The vagina is an elastic, muscular canal with a soft, flexible lining that provides lubrication and sensation. The vagina connects the uterus to the outside world. … During childbirth, the baby passes through the vagina (birth canal)…..” Nov 14, 2017.

BOTH are cited: https://www.webmd.com/women/picture-of-the-vagina

So, we are still dealing with misogyny. We are dealing with sexual harassment in our employment situations. We are dealing with women voting who don’t believe women should earn the same amount of pay in the same position as a man (happened in Utah). We have ALOT of people who want to CONTROL with religion, particularly women {control re: marriage, control re: abortion, control re: birth control, control re: who we choose to have sex with and when.}

BUT if it’s any of YOU engaging in lies and games – just stop right now and focus on yourself. It’s amazing how much we can accomplish if we simply start paying attention to ourselves. Take personal responsibility, have some self-awareness. It’s a NO BRAINER and really super important in our world right now.

I’ve witnessed the behaviors in the past and in the present. I’ve also experienced this first-hand. Yep I am these things too. I’ve lied. I’ve been a shitty person. But omg COME ON ladies. Please stop making some obvious mistakes:

Stop faking orgasms. You know how I feel about that. I will redirect you to a previous post from 2017: https://lilyslipservice.com/2017/03/faking-the-o/#more-64
Don’t meet a man who you’ve never met in person alone at THEIR house for the first time. Why do we have to keep learning old lessons? There is a false and inflated sense of: I got this. My friend told me: “I will leave if things get bad.” I had to ask her: will you leave before or after he hits you with a 2 by 4?
Stop just lying there to let him “get it over with.” I realize there’s some trickiness to this. I also advocate “fake it until you make it.” That’s attitude-not in bed or with orgasms. All relationships have their sexual ebbs and flows. I also appreciate the value of “attending to” your partner (I stole that from a friend). I just want to know YOU know WHY you would choose to do fake it or spread your legs when you really don’t want to? Is it to keep your guy around? At what cost? Because this really feels inauthentic. Are you afraid if you don’t let your man fuck you that he will leave? Ok. How does that really make you feel? And if it’s a convo you’ve had with your man that didn’t really go anywhere then what level of respect is happening in the relationship? I mean sex and frequency and involvement should be AGREED UPON. Here I am saying SHOULD when ultimately, I’m not a fan of acting upon shoulds or shouldn’ts. Let me rephrase if I can. Ladies – find your VOICES and start speaking up! We are doing men a disservice. They have very inflated senses of themselves and for zero reason other than we have lied to them to build up their (false) egos. Shame on us! On me!! Guilty here – speaking to myself too! (I’ve never faked an orgasm tho but I think some guys thought I had orgasmed and I let them think so).

I’m asking us to ask ourselves: why aren’t we being more authentic? Why can’t we be OPEN? Why do we feel like we have to make them cum – and feel bad when we don’t make them cum as if it is our personal responsibility? Why is that our responsibility? Many men barely make it their responsibility, knowing this from my personal experience and from friends’ stories. AND WE ALLOW ALL OF IT. We don’t educate, we don’t ask for what we need, we are afraid to speak up, AND we then fake it and lay there until they’ve finished up. How is this doing anyone ANY good?

This goes beyond actually speaking our truths to our partners and lovers. I’m encouraging each and every one of us to focus on self-awareness and personal responsibility WITHOUT feeling obligated to speak that truth immediately. For now, I’m asking that we: “identify [our] truths and [that we] allow [ourselves to have] those truths with kindness and without blame.” Quote from: a friend. (emphasis added.) If we don’t at least start being honest with ourselves – well, it feels dire for relationship then.

No, you don’t deserve HIM or HER. We act as though we DESERVE a person who fulfills us in some way; expectation. Can I just say this is what we “deserve”: food, water, air, clothing, shelter. That’s about it. The fact we feel as though we deserve simply “because” is wrong. In the United States of America – most of us – being at the top tier of the chain of humanity – lack anything that even gets close to justifying the use of the word deserve. We need to get over ourselves, just a teeny tad. Like – we have this movement of “self-care”. Hey, I’m all about self-care. But I absolutely know this is being taken to an extreme – it is balancing on a tight rope with a sense of selfishness that is gross. So, while meditating on speaking your truths – please also keep yourself in check! It is our job; it is our responsibility; we owe it to the world.

OK, back to the FUN stuff!

BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS

I like a cream pie in my MOUTH to start the day. A nice hand job for him (as a thank you for the orgasm(S) the night before) and a shot of delicious vitamin-packed cum for me. Guys can have freshly fucked faces too! How much better are your days going to be with a start like this!

So, there it is: the breakfast of champions in my opinion. The ultimate crème pie!!

Speaking of cream pie what’s up with the cream pie obsession in porn. It is a very big deal because a lot of vids use “cream pie shot” in their description. Apparently a number of people search specifically for cream pie. Lmao to me the cream pie is when I get a load of cum shot into my face (also well known as a facial). But I understand it also means a woman will squirt out the creamy substance from her pussy after a dude has cum inside her. That may be from her pussy or it may be from her ass!

I like to see a woman wet and creamy in porn. Because then I know she’s having a good time. Porn is very disappointing that way. Let’s face it – it’s ACTING and a woman in particular can’t necessarily make her body ACT horny and get creamy. She won’t be creamy unless she really is horny and enjoying getting off. I have heard there is not always a direct correlation between being wet and creamy and being turned on. I am always asking friends questions in texts. Randomly. When I’m turned on-I’m very wet and creamy. That’s not true for everyone which makes perfect sense. But still in porn I want the visual because that’s what porn is: VISUAL.

I GOT WHIPPED!

My lover got us Cool Whip the other night. I told him I was bringing strawberries. He ran to the store and surprised me with Cool Whip. I wondered why he was covering my eyes until he brought his cock up to my lips with that delicious sugary substance. Oh yum. Double yum with the Cool Whip. Cool Whip’s not necessary for me to love sucking him. He knows that (I’ve made it VERY CLEAR I love sucking his cock-by my actions LOL). But the Cool Whip on my nipples too. I thought it was an ice cube at first. It was stimulating! A little sticky in the end. But stimulating! I don’t mind the sticky of course as long as it doesn’t ultimately interfere with our orgasms later. We both like a smoooooooth in and out. I walked away from this evening with a few titty hickeys.

I have titty hickeys right now! I LOVE them. For a few reasons. I mean doesn’t it feel delicious when your man is sucking on your luscious titties while you’re on top riding and fucking his cock sooooo good. Talk about MOTIVATION …mmmm I love getting my boobalicious boobies sucked on. The mark is the REMINDER of a good time. If I won’t see him for a while-I love having that mark of passion to remind me of the absolute blissful moment when the hickey was being made. The titty hickey is EASY to hide. Certainly, do NOT want to be showing up at the office with a hickey on my neck. No way. Not for me. [my banker had a hickey on HIS neck the other day; kinda gross lol]. ALSO, it’s a mark of ownership of sorts. I mean am I gonna fuck another guy if I have hickeys on my tits? Probably not. Unless of course I’m feeling particularly naughty. That CAN happen. I’m fairly calculating at this point in my life. I’m quite comfortable with who I am.

On my drive to Hotsprings today to one of my favorite soaking spots I couldn’t help but think: aaaaahhhhh I needed this alone time. Immediately I also thought: “and that’s crazy I feel like I needed alone time” given the fact I already spend ALOT of time alone. And I love all of it. But days like today – when I’m fairly rested, I need the alone time to CREATE. For me. For YOU. The inspiration typically happens when I take a full day just for myself. Not because no one was available to join me. And part of me feels guilty for inviting no one. But then I wouldn’t be writing for you. Some of my best advice: take TIME to BE. I manage a household, manage and operate a business with my father, have a small bookkeeping business, write this blog, have quality time with friends… and still manage some alone time. I admit – my life is amazing.

Part of the amazingness is my lover. Obviously. He provides me with inspiration. He certainly provides me with SATISFACTION. I don’t think that needs any further elaboration. Or the elaboration is all throughout this blog. But what brings YOU satisfaction? In my humble opinion – orgasms go a LONG way in providing release. And we don’t need anyone to do it for us. We can do that for ourselves! Start orgasming!

I’VE BEEN GONE ☹

I have had quite a long hiatus! Thank you for your patience. I’m sure I’ve lost some of my readers but hope to gain all of you back and more! My life took a dramatic turn in mid-2019 and it has taken me about 7 months to recuperate and get my footing again. But I’m BACK and I’m loving the opportunity to write for you. I could NOT let V-Day go by without posting. It is OUR ANNIVERSARY! Lily’s Lip Service’s THREE-year anniversary and my FOUR-year squirting journey anniversary. I love sharing my thoughts with you. Sometimes it’s kinda bitchy, I know! Sometimes it’s soft. Sometimes it is just pure, unadulterated sexually charged ramblings! Thank you for the opportunity to SERVE. I hope in my honesty – that you find your own. I hope in my honesty – that you realize YOUR thoughts aren’t so “unusual” if that’s how you are feeling; or I hope my honesty at the very least is entertaining, enjoyment, and that you find pure satisfaction.

You know I LOVE you!! xoxoxoxo Happy V-Day (i.e. Vag Day)!!

X.O.

p.s. The posts will prob never be this long again!