The Internet Guy – or ANY service guy.
I had my Internet installed the other day. My technician was hot. It’s a pretty awkward scenario in general – having a strange man in my home, whom I’ve never met. I was immediately propelled back to the 90s and my days of reading Penthouse Letters. Haha! So many of the stories were about women at home, with their “service technicians” showing up: plumber, UPS guy, pool cleaner. You know, one look and they’re doing it on the kitchen table or the chaise lounge beside the pool; they’re getting FULLY serviced!
So a million things were running through my mind while he kneeled in my bedroom, hooking up the cords and such. Then when he handed me my WiFi password. .. no joke, it was: “gentlerabbit”. What the!!??!! Seriously. It is bunny season (Happy Easter), I get that, but was that some kind of code?? Like do the techs have a secret code – if the chick looks like she might be down with having some sex, then give her the bunny password. But, if she doesn’t have that “hungry” look, then give her the “rabiddog” password. Something along those lines, or, whatever, I don’t know. But doesn’t the “gentlerabbit” password seem just slightly fishy. From there I imagined other aspects of the code: if she looks like she wants to have rough sex vs. nice sex, etc. Come on all you technicians out there – tell me I’m right.
The 90s and PORN.
The 90s were interesting times. I was married the first half. To my “high school sweetheart”. He wasn’t really much of a sweetheart. But never mind all that. We are friends. Somehow I’m friends with most of my exes. That’s a pretty major feat, really. Some may say unhealthy. Whatevs. Anywho – he taught me a lot about porn. Ugh back in those days I had a love/hate relationship with porn. Well, I don’t think I ever LOVED it. I don’t love porn now either, but I certainly do enjoy it at times. It’s mind blowing to me – the access we have. Easily. If you need a little sexual pick-me-up just open an incognito browser and search: xxxgif. BOOM. Short vid after short vid of sex. Alll kinds of sex: basic missionary to double penetration, heck, triple penetration; titty fucking; dildo action; just girls; haven’t seen much “just boys”. That must be a different gif site.
Back to my 90s and my intro to porn tho. I didn’t like my husband viewing porn all that much. It was new to me. I was trying to assimilate my own value, love myself, love my body, all while comparing myself to the chicks in Penthouse, or on the screen in porn; yikes!!! But I got suuuuuper into the Penthouse Letters. (In fact, I think I better go get one. Do they still sell those?) Now I get that men have a very different way of thinking about viewing nudity. This isn’t a concept I’ve come up with on my own, clearly. But I agree with it. Yet, balance is everything. My man viewing porn WITH me is super hot. My man viewing porn WITHOUT me is just – well, it is what it is. Guess what? I view porn on my own too. It’s lovely to have a Saturday morning to lounge around, watch some xxx.gifs, play a video, and masturbate a few times. Is that what “they” are referring to when “they” discuss self-love or self-care? Having a video playing in the background while you’re doing it on the couch with your lover can be super hot too.
But, guys, if you’re viewing too much porn and jerking off, and then having issues getting hard while doing it in real time with a real chick – that’s a real problem. A disconnect of sorts apparently. I can’t really speak too intelligently on the matter since I’m not a dude. But I know it’s happening. Of course it is. We live in a day and time when ACCESS to viewing porn has never been simpler. Again, with the balance. And ladies, get OVER yourself if you’re having a major issue with your guy viewing porn. It is not personal. I mean, you’ll know if there’s a problem. I don’t want to discount your natural intuitive instincts. But first take responsibility for your insecurities and jealousies. Gotta separate that shit out of the mix.
The first 1/2 of my 90s were spent married, the second 1/2 of my 90s were spent living on Maui! Having sex on the beach. Well, once I had sex on the beach and that was a mistake. One teensy tiny piece of sand and the experience is ruined. Gotta be very very careful in that setting! Since then, I have had good sex on a beach, being very careful with where the sand ends up! Are you having sex places OTHER THAN your bed? Oh jeez, if not, you’d better start! I’m a nature nymph. So, get me into nature and I can easily be bent over a giant rock or a log. In fact, I suggest wearing a dress if you’re out hiking with the person you like to have sex with or want to have sex with… and no panties of course. Then walk in front and pull the dress up just enough for them to see your butt cheeks. Blow their mind!!!
CAR sex.
Sex in nature or in the car or on the couch or in the shower or anywhere semi-public, or pretty much anywhere except a bed is kinda awkward. That’s the point! The awkwardness can be fun and it can also create a situation where you find that you end up having the BEST sex of your life. Different positions can trigger new sensations! It’s fun, it keeps things fresh, and interesting. If you camp – HELLO – in the tent, down by the creek, yes, near running water is always lovely. The sound of the gurgling water, the sound of his cock pushing in and out of your wet puss, alllllll quite lovely. My favorite is …. well, I cannot pick a favorite but I really love car sex. I’ve had some of the BEST of the best in my car at the top of mountain passes, or just out on Blue Mountain Road. This is a great way to get into nature, yet still have some of the comforts of “home-in-bed-sex”. This is especially true if you have a vehicle where the backseat lays down. I love to take blankets, lambskins, and pillows and make a nest in the back of my car. I camp like this – and sometimes I just go fuck like that.
And don’t always make these car encounters or outdoor bangin’ sessions “quickies” because orgasms in nature, or in a truck or car, are truly some of the best. Don’t cheat yourself out of that because it’s feeling inconvenient or awkward. Push through that and get your orgasm. Men always cum. I’d like to say the same for women one day too!
Ok, so add to your to-do list for this week: have sex outside of your bed! Meanwhile, I’m gonna run off and buy that Penthouse Letters and take a little trip down memory lane!
Have a bangin’ sexy week!
xxxxxOOxxx