Sorry for the delayed post!!!! The holiday weekend set me back a day. Smooches!!!

Ohhhh birth control. .. even without taking into consideration the onslaught of political BS that is swirling around regarding women’s access to this all-important product, I have quite a lot to say.

First of all, let’s discuss CYCLES. It’s fairly easy and obvious to know that planning pregnancy or making sure pregnancy only happens WHEN WE REALLY WANT IT TO HAPPEN is a fairly “easy” thing to do. Yet, we fail at this time and again. Why is that??

I would venture to say it’s because there’s a HUGE disconnect happening here… and both women and men are guilty.

HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP.

THE BLUE-NESS.

I’m not quite ready for the birth control topic. So how about that ….. well, let me tell you a little bit more about my blue dong because I’m just. … more in the mood at this very moment to talk about something fun before I scold you all about birth control, or, school you all, I meant. I’ve mentioned my blue dong a few times, but I haven’t REEEEAAAALLLLLYYYYY gone into detail. So, why blue, you may ask? Well, to be honest these were my color choices, and the reasons why I didn’t buy them, which left me with blue.

PINK. nope, I just don’t do pink. And plus, it could make me think of a dog dick. And that’s just GROSS. I thought about putting a picture here, but decided against it. You can thank me now.

Black. I just can’t help but think “once you go black, you never go back” and well, I’m gonna go back, and what does dick pride have to do with my solitary bedroom pleasure? I felt intimidated by it. Too dark.

Flesh. Nope, it just looks gross to me. Like a sickly dick. Who wants a sickly dick in their puss?

I think there may also have been red. Too close to that pink, dog dick looking one.

So, BLUE dong it ended up being! The primary purpose of that particular shopping trip was the suction cup aspect. Also, the blue dong was purchased for use in joint ventures. Because filling two holes is better than just filling one, right? But the dong has transitioned smoothly into my lifestyle sans someone who wants to share it w/me. Or, let me rephrase, someone I want to share it with haha. Not that sex toys can be intertwined between two or more lovers. That could bring up some odd questions and issues. (Why THAT size of butt plug). And don’t get me wrong in another regard that anything can ever replace the real deal…. a nice hard cock in the flesh. For sucking and slurping purposes. BUT the dong is certainly pulling its weight in the satisfaction department. More than I expected myself. Go figure. I’ve been surprised by a six-inch blue dong with a suction cup. Life is full of so many unexpected surprises.

WHY the games?

The other night I decided to grab a martini and some oysters… drum roll …. BY MYSELF. OmG. Ask me what I love. “Lily, what do you love?” Well, besides a lot of delicious sex, I really love it when I’m sitting at the bar alone, drinking a Grey Goose martini, dry, with a lemon twist, and a man starts talking to me as soon as his woman goes to the bathroom. Yep. I mean, I get it. He wants to connect and share his thoughts regarding my martini, because he’s momentarily bored. But, really?! What should I think. We have to HUSH as soon as the woman returns, or right before, and it feels so completely awkward. Awkward silence moment as she sits back down. Woops! Don’t even make eye contact.

So, I kinda get it. I’ve received my oysters. I’m sitting there, flaming red hair, short jean skirt, tits spilling over, typing about sex; he doesn’t know that but I’m probably oooozing sex because it’s all I’m thinking about at the moment, well, except for what’s going into my mouth. I’m shoving reeeeeaaaalllllyyyy BIG bites of my delicious sour dough baguette with a ton of BUTTER into my mouth, slurping down oysters, and sipping a martini. How I’m feeling is WTF is going on here? The issues in this situation are so multi-faceted it’s difficult to figure out where to even begin. But I would say obviously. … one of the differences between me and her is that I like having things SHOVED in my mouth and slimy things slithering down my throat. There is a DIRECT correlation between eating raw oysters and swallowing a hot load of cum. There’s no correlation between eating pizza and anything sexy. So many games to be played. So little time.

Awareness of the Cycle.

WHY do we want to give men lots of Viagra, but we don’t want to give women birth control?  This is a real thing happening in America that is one reflection of the depth of our sexual dysfunction. Speaking of dysfunction – guys, there are plenty of things to try BEFORE you go the Viagra route. First, try being open and vulnerable w/your partner. I know, that must be soooooo hard to do.

I’M JOKING. Why would it be difficult to discuss our sexual fears, hang-ups, dislikes, malfunctions…..anything …. with the love of our lives. Unless, of course, we are trying to hide something, like a porn addiction. Then, well, the addiction part takes over and it makes people do crazy shit, like avoid communicating with their partners.

But back to this birth control discussion. We alllll know it’s easy to get Viagra in this country  … and there’s an attack happening on the birth control front. We encourage men to get hard and cum over and over; but we don’t want to empower women to avoid a pregnancy. Smart. Ultimately what my communication is going to boil down to is this:

1. Ladies if you don’t know when you’re ovulating, you’re asking for a pregnancy.

2. Guys, a. if you don’t know when your woman is ovulating, you’re asking for a pregnancy; b. if you ask a woman right as you’re about to cum if you can come inside of her, you’re asking for a pregnancy; if you don’t even ask and just cum inside your woman, you’re super lame and asking for a pregnancy; c. if you don’t understand that cum can live inside a woman for a week, you’re asking for a pregnancy; d. if you haven’t had a discussion about birth control, and aren’t putting on a condom, you’re asking for a pregnancy.

DON’T EVER ASSUME ANYTHING. And when I talk about (b) above – what I mean is that in the height of a passionate moment, a woman may tend to “miscalculate” just how close to ovulating she really is. Why aren’t these discussions happening (guilty, myself, in the past)? What I’m starting to really wonder is why does it seem to fall on the shoulders of women to make sure pregnancy doesn’t occur, yet we encourage and provide drugs for an incessantly hard cock. Guys, start getting involved in the discussion and the prevention. Or, definitely, please, don’t act shocked when a pregnancy happens. “It was a surprise”. Really? How? If you’re gonna get your dick pumped up for 10 hours, be sure you know you need a box of condoms to go with that. And here’s a really harsh fact – if you think a woman won’t purposefully lie about her fertility, then you are asking for a pregnancy.

I personally use the “family planning” method to plan NOT having a family. The language is really quite tricky, isn’t it? I have zero intentions of having children, certainly at this point in my life. But, this method has worked quite effectively for me for years. I’ve never been pregnant. Gotta say, there was some “luck” involved in that when I was young and dumb. Or, young and lacking awareness. How about that instead? This is what I’m hoping: all of you who DON’T have the awareness of their fertility and their cycle – become aware.

From the inter-webs, my personal preference for “birth control”:

“Fertility awareness is a collection of methods using your body’s natural functioning to determine the days of the month you are most likely to get pregnant. It is also called Natural Family Planning (NFP), and other variations include the Sympto-Thermal Method, the Ovulation Method, and the Billings Method.”

V-of another kind.

I had a partner try Viagra once. Hilarious. He didn’t need it but we thought it would be interesting to try out. I worked at a medical clinic at the time and actually got some free samples of it, no joke. So, we decided it would be a good time for him to pop one of those little magic blue pills after a very long night of hard drinking and poker playing with friends. Viagra works. It makes a dick rock hard. What it doesn’t do is provide the desire to go along with it. We didn’t factor that into the equation. Haha so, he had this raging hard on, that he literally, just wanted to go away. We were hungover and not totally in the mood for sex, but we fucked for quite some time and he could NOT get off. Lol looking back on it, to be honest it was fucking hilarious. He was getting really angry at his dick. I’d finally had enough and rolled off him for a nap. I think it was like 8 hours later that his dick softened a little. Not a positive experience for him, to say the least.

Long story short, if you’re on a mission and wanna get amped up w/Viagra please also start taking some interest in what, where, why, how, and WHEN your girl may get pregnant. Shock us. Girls – don’t shy away from these questions either. It’s time both parties took 100% responsibility. Don’t ya think? I think us ladies would appreciate that very much.

SEX feels good – but comes with some responsibilities, and apparently a whole lot of games. All we can do is navigate our way through as best we can. But, you know one of my main recommendations , when having doubts about anything, and if you can, suck more cock! Plus, if you’re swallowing – then you have even less to think about contraceptive wise!  OR – pull out that favorite toy and GET OFF.  Because we allllll feel BETTER when we are getting off.

See you back next week. I plan to knock your socks off!

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