There can be times when we don’t feeeeeeel like having sex. There are times when your partner doesn’t feeeeeeel like having sex. It’s not anyone else’s job to make sure you are fully, sexually satisfied. It’s your job, and yours alone.

Now that being said – we don’t get to continually ignore our partner’s needs and advances, RIGHT? Just like if they are sick or injured and needing our nurturing, we provide it. I love playing nurse 😉 (unless we are giving them the silent treatment because they pissed us off, haha). It’s important we are willing to move towards our partner, sometimes, even when we don’t feeeeeeel like it. You know, make the first move. (i.e. I give that blow job even when I’ve just had the shittiest day at work). Especially if we aren’t the one normally doing the initiating. I say we, haha, but I’m a happy initiator. I’m always ready for sex. Well, almost always. I do get sick sometimes. So, I probs annoy my lover because I’m always inviting them to have sex; whereas, on the opposite end of that, we have those who are in the position of saying, no; often. WHO says no to sex? I don’t know.

I’m joking, of course we say no to sex. But seriously, you get my point, right??? It is not fair to always be one way or another so I’m encouraging you all to try out, or put on the pants of, the opposite of your norm. I’ve learned to take responsibility for my sexual pleasure. As you know by now, if you’ve been paying attention at all, I have TOYS. And I have lovers. I’ve had lovers. I’ve been in long-term relationships. I’ve been single. I’ve been gutsy and had sex in risky places with people I’ve just met. But, bottom line is, even when I’ve been in monogamous, long-term relationships – there was no guarantee of perfect, unfettered, continuous sex that left me feeling continually satisfied. That is particularly true IF and WHEN I was relying solely on my partner for that total satisfaction. So, that’s why I say – it’s YOUR job to find your satisfaction.

J.O.B. (no, not a blow job this time guys).

I questioned using the word “job” because that sounds like, you know, something that we feel forced to do, rather than something we look forward to doing. Many of us enjoy our jobs; some of us don’t. Here’s the top definition on Urban Dictionary which definitely elicited a laugh from me: “Job. Means by which at least 30% of your life is stolen from you to enrich the owners of a company making useless shit that some other poor idiot in a job will buy.” Synonym = task. So, how about this – I’ve put you on TASK to find your OWN sense of sexual satisfaction, which doesn’t involve your partner. NO, I’m not telling you to go fuck someone else. Unless you have your partner’s permission. Even then – get ready. They’re probably gonna freak if you actually do it. (Been there, done that).

Go FUCK YOURSELF.

Did you take my advice and watch Kim Anami’s video that I posted last week? I really like her message in that one. YouTube. (2017, June 9). Coo-ching! My Vagina Makes Cash! [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqWkVVAyNuY. It’s not just the message about how a well-fucked pussy can take us places and make us money that I like but that we can achieve a well-fucked pussy on our own too. “That counts” she says. I agree. AND HELLO!! I’m gonna get me one of those jade eggs!!!! Can’t wait. But, importantly, Kim also validates what I’m trying to get across here:

“Have sex with YOURSELF! It all counts!

Re-sensitize your vagina. Love it. GIVE IT PLEASURE.”

I was reading some of the comments below the YouTube video. A woman asks, “And… what if you’re ….single?” Kim’s response: “You can still be well-f**ked and tap into your sexual energy even without a partner. The jade yoni egg practice is one way to do this.”

“JADE YONI EGG – YOUR SECRET WEAPON. A GAME CHANGER.” Kim Anami.

There are many reasons for relationship; they don’t always involve being with our perfect sexual match. And that is absolutely fine, of course. What one friend wanted more than anything was partnership, and companionship. What another friend wanted was a child. It just so happens I’ve mostly wanted SEX. We are put into boxes in this country. It seems the majority would have us believe the outdated idea that the only acceptable relationship box is if we are a hetero couple, preferably having children. This is insanely basic and clearly limiting. I find it laughable that anyone could truly believe everyone belongs in a male/female marriage, having babies. That’s the end goal for everyone??? That’s what I’m supposed to achieve in order to be acclaimed successful by a majority?? COME ON – EVOLVE please. Me? I’m going to be one happy, single, childless, yoni egg owning, squirting, and cumming woman!

LIBIDO = sexual desire.

It seems a common concept, and it certainly isn’t a lie, that there’s a libido question when it comes to how desirous we feel in the bedroom, both for ourselves and towards our partners. I want to tread lightly here because I don’t want to shame, or make over-generalizations. I know women who struggle with their libido. I’ve experienced men who couldn’t keep their dicks hard. As we know, I personally do not struggle with libido, but that’s not always fun to deal with either. If I could bottle my desire… my libido…. or whatever you want to call what makes me horny nearly 24/7, I would gladly GIVE it away. If I charged for it – I’d be a millionaire overnight.

What do we do to have BALANCE? I think first, we have to change our own minds about how WE feel about sex. Take responsibility and be honest and real with ourselves. Inform ourselves. (Reading my blog may be helping!?!) But, be really careful here. Because as women we’ve been fed a lot of BS and our sexuality is continually challenged, degraded, ignored, and misrepresented; there are “doctors” who still believe squirting isn’t real. WTF. It wasn’t that long ago in history that we weren’t speaking about female orgasm, or clitoral stimulation. Ummmmm???????

Second, let’s take a hard look at what’s expected of us as women. I mean, sheesh!!! We are supposed to look eternally young, first of all. Ladies, if you are in your 20s – enjoy the SHIT outta yourself and your skin and your body. Stop disliking yourself, START loving yourself. I love myself now but I’m noticing changes; I’m embracing them but I look back and I think to myself – WOW, I didn’t own how good I looked, naturally, at 22. Or 32 even! I’m owning that shit NOW!! However, in alignment with the unrealistic view that I must look eternally young, I have to get Botox, and all manner of lifts or surgical procedures that may or may not turn out ok. I am expected to be voluptuous, but not too voluptuous, I am supposed to be hairless by removing eyebrow hair, waxing my puss and ass, legs, armpits, “mustaches” ripped out. Then I’m also supposed to be getting lash extensions, tattooed eyeliner, facials, the right amount of exercise for a flat belly, brown spots removed, manis/pedis, hair cut and colored every few weeks; the list goes on and on. IF we aren’t doing all that – the pressure builds – how are we really feeling in the bedroom when these expectations are crammed down our throats? How am I supposed to be comfortable spreading my legs for a man to lick my pussy if I’m not doing ALL that and more?

I have a little secret – I do some of these things; of course. And I don’t judge anyone who wants to get their boobs done, or if they want a completely smooth body, devoid of all hair. I shave my legs… and my armpits. I may get a face-lift someday. Who knows? Again with the balance. I’d like to think and believe that what we do is because it makes us feel good, not because we feel it necessary to achieve value, or to “get the guy”, or because of hidden insecurities, and certainly NOT because of expectations, from others or especially from ourselves. We can be our own worst enemies. Fo sho. STOP IT.

Aphrodisiacs.

So, there are always these yummy things to give us a boost, naturally! These are some of my go-to tricks for boosting, not necessarily my libido, but a deep sense of connection to the natural world, and my internal health. For instance, when I fully take in a whiff of olive oil – omg, it makes me feel alive inside. Please click on this link and read, or, if for nothing other than to view the beautiful pictures.

http://www.rd.com/food/fun/aphrodisiac-foods/

I don’t know about you – but just loooooking at the photos of those aphrodisiacs gets me aroused. Notice what’s right at top – OYSTERS! yum. I was a little surprised by the end! Hahahaha. I have some in my fridge though. I was already thinking I’d like to put it on someone’s cock and lick it off! Aphrodisiacs are a real thing. Are there food items that you can just take in the scent of and FEEL sexy? As I said, I love olive oil. I love cooking with it, rubbing it on my body, and using it during sex (along with any number of natural oils – coconut oil too). Waaaay better for adding slickness to your private parts than some store-bought, disgusting lube product. Ewwwww. Keep unnatural, unnaturally scented crap away from me, and especially away from my pussy. One way to make it more likeable and lickable – use natural oils in the event you need a boost to your juices. And all I have to say is – thank GOD(dess) coffee is on that list!

Yes, PLEASE:

BOOST YOU!

I’d like to point out another article I browsed, “10 Natural Ways to Boost Your Libido, #5 – boost your CONFIDENCE”. Whatever you choose to do, however you choose to boost your confidence, it is so important. How we FEEL about ourselves is vital to our sexuality. As I’ve been saying – sure, we can do all manner of things to shape up our outer appearance; but what’s going on inside our minds, in our hearts, in our souls – is crucial. The outward appearance cannot hide or cover up the inner soul. And while we are crammed with outward, superficial BS about how we are supposed to look – we have a choice. So, if you feel like having some furry legs for a while, do it. (In Montana, in the winter, it’s the perfect complement to leg warmers). Take a good, HARD (wink wink) look at what your motivations are, that’s all I’m trying to really say here. Cause I love ya! And I want us all to feel amazing, and good, and have great sex. Really great sex. It’s available. This week I hit a personal milestone! I had an orgasm while I was squirting. WOWZA. Let me tell you AGAIN – if you haven’t started practicing the squirting – there’s NO time like the present.

Cheers – to feeling GOOD, from the inside to your outer appearance; it just does not work the other way around.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thank you for the time off last week; I knew I had to listen to Ryan! If only he were telling me to turn around, and bend over 😉