I am single. I am childless. I am proud of it (finally).

Puuleeeaaase don’t pretend to condescendingly think I’m “talking myself into” this. I’m not. I’ve explored all options. I’ve explored the possibility that I’m sabotaging myself or tricking myself into believing this. I’ve explored that maybe I’m “unlucky in love” or I’m “unlucky” in getting pregnant. Nope, I don’t think so. I’m making the single, childless choices, consciously. Of course, I admit to myself and I know I haven’t made the best choices in men in the past. Ya, I could use some therapy.

There was a time I wanted to birth a child. There have been times I’ve been in long-term relationships. I intend for that to happen again. It IS happening, actually. It’s just that my relationships are happening in a much different way than what society tells me I “should be” doing them; they are happening in a much different way than what, for centuries, has been EXPECTED of women: to be in relationship = marriage to a man and birthing a child(ren). I mean, wasn’t there a time when having only ONE child was even frowned upon?Never mind overpopulation.

WHY SINGLE?

Picture this. I’m sitting on an airplane. Flying solo. I took a mini nap, finished a cocktail, and have Amy Schumer’s book, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo, sitting in my lap to read. The woman next to me is catering to every whim and demand of her 4-year-old child. Am I judgmental? No, actually, I’m not. She’s doing an excellent job of catering to every whim of her child so he won’t throw a huge tantrum, thank god (the child told his mom to not EVER tell him to do “that” again or he would push her out of the airplane; and when he said, “push” it sounded like “puss”). I’m just happy she’s not me, or I’m not her. I hope she feels the same.

There was a time I believed I would have children. Absolutely thought I’d go down that road. No questions asked. But when it didn’t happen and it didn’t happen, then it didn’t happen again, well, I started to wonder, is having a child what I REALLY want? At first I thought …hmmmm, I guess it’s ok if it doesn’t happen. That sentiment evolved into I DON’T WANT it to happen. Conscious decision, conscious effort. Amazing choice.

I’m in a very minority group of our society: a single, childless woman. A promotion has come through my email. It is titled, “The Secret Heartbreak of Being Single”. Ugh. Seriously?? It’s constant propaganda and brain washing. The article goes on to present (it is a promotion to download a program that will HELP me) that if I’m addicted to being in love …and jumping from one relationship to another ….the reason is because I don’t love myself enough. TRUE. I believe that statement could apply to me; I believe it’s possible I don’t love all of myself enough. But, why oh why, does this concept have to be centered around BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP as the end prize?? Why can’t it be – LOVE yourself and here’s how. End of story. I don’t want the “superman as a prize” involved at the end. Just me, loving myself. We are OBSESSED in America with being in partnership as if that’s what makes us whole. This makes sense for a lot of people; but certainly not for all people.

SINGLE = SELFISH = HELL YA!

So, what will I DO with my life might you ask? Because, good Lord, if I’m not bearing and raising children, and being a good wifey, what good am I? Selfish is the general sentiment.

Wellllll.

For one thing, I just spent 4 days getting my brains fucked out. And what does that do? It puts me in a really good mood. It also helps me write this XXX blog. I’m an entertainer apparently. Happily single; happily getting fucked; happily writing about it. In fact, a question posed to me by my lover was – “don’t you want to just lay back, sip your wine, and get your pussy licked?” Why, yes, I believe I do want that. Over and over. Thank you very much.

At this point in my life I’d rather be catering to my lover who is fucking my brains out than a 4 year old commanding and demanding I do things continually in order to keep the child from throwing a temper tantrum. But, that’s me. I don’t judge people for having children; I’m just TIRED of being judged for NOT having children and/or being in a partnership because, honestly, I’m having the time of my life AND still learning valuable lessons about myself and my self-worth and the ways I can love myself better. I just don’t do those things in hopes that it will then attract the perfect partner. I do it because I want to be a better person. The end.

GET YOUR BRAINS FUCKED OUT.

I heard a comedy routine about the phrase “getting your brains fucked out” recently. The comedian was asking – what does that even mean and why would you want to do that? I believe he’s obviously never had really good sex because I don’t question that phrase. I have sex that is mind blowing. I get my brains fucked out. What it means is that I’m sooooo out of my mind, I’m brainless, I’ve let go of my thoughts; I’ve reached a level of ECSTASY that makes me feel as though I’m on another planet. My advice is that we all find reasons FOR and HOW to get our brains fucked out. Stop thinking so much – and obsessing over what is or isn’t happening for you. Enjoy life, and let go of control.

CONTROL, OR NOT. YOUR CHOICE.

My man saw a woman just out of the shower earlier today. She was wearing a towel he said. Too bad. I kinda wished he’d seen her fully naked. What’s the big deal? I talk frequently about relationship NEEDING things like mystery and intrigue. A quick glimpse of a naked woman might be just the thing to start an amazing fuck session!

I think in general we could really use some “loosening up”. Ladies, we CANNOT control our men (or women, and vice versa). If you feel yourself tightening up over just reading this – then we’ve hit the nail on the head. That feeling is about insecurity and when we feel insecure we want to control. It’s a choice.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been uptight in the past, and sometimes now too of course. The limits are constantly getting pushed. But I’ve learned insecurity is a nasty nasty beotch and when you let that shit gooooo it’s soooooo freeeeeing. Yes, in relationship, there’s limitations and boundaries, right? That’s what defines any relationship. Ultimately we can only expect ourselves to tolerate what we can live with. So often though, we don’t want to look at ourselves or our insecurities, we want to control our partner instead. That’s really not gonna get us far. I’ve read articles trying to learn about “expectation” and where that leads in relationship. It’s a constant juggle between what I expect and what I can tolerate, what I can live with, what I can allow, how much I can let gooooo. THEN also incorporating my value, self-worth, desire, and beliefs. For me this always boils down to feeling secure within myself – by DOING what I love, being myself (and then preaching it, here in this blog). I don’t pretend to know everything and certainly don’t believe we must ALLOW everything. My point is – explore your boundaries, recognize where your insecurities are, and stop trying to control others. It’s an amazing relief.

These days how the HELL are we supposed to control anyway with Tinder, Facebook, dating apps, secret chat rooms, etc. etc. I listen to Ryan Seacrest on the radio. He’s the dj for an LA radio station: 102.7 KIIS FM. He has a program called “Ryan’s Roses”. Women write to him with the belief that their man is cheating on them. Ryan’s co-dj gets the dude on the radio and offers him a free dozen roses, no strings attached, and he can send them to whoever he wants to. How many times do you think the dude sends them to his wife or girlfriend? RARELY. The moral of this story is: 1. Ladies, listen to your instincts; 2. Guys, start being real with yourselves and your women.

LOOSEN UP, FUCK MORE.

I’m proposing that we stop taking ourselves so seriously, loosen up, fuck more, let the little things slide, don’t get so bogged down in the details, let go, try and spot a naked person in a window (by randomly looking into windows while on a walk or something, don’t get arrested for voyeurism please), and feel EXCITED about that glimpse. But let’s also get REAL. Stop schmoozing with your high school crush on Facebook while your wifey is raising your children. Give that wifey more of what SHE wants so that you can get more of what YOU want (probably your dick sucked if you’re like most dudes). Stop sneaking around. It’s gross. You know what? And this is true for everyone: if you think the grass is greener on the other side – it’s probably NOT. The grass may look greener, but I would bet it’s covered in dog piss and poop. Never tastes as good as it looks.

Ok, end of my preaching. Go out into the world and catch a glimpse of something sexy, feel the excitement, then share it with your partner.

Share the smiles and have a great week!

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