MEMORY LANE

FINALLY! an excuse to have a personal spa evening and get rid of some of my winter furriness that has gotten quite overgrown. You know, it kinda takes motivation to shave or wax or trim or …. care about how furry I get when there’s no real motivation around me. I have to say, I’ve been enjoying looking down, for instance right now in the HOT bathtub I’m lying in, and seeing that BUSH of mine. I seriously am going to document this furriness with some video because it is off the charts. I don’t think I will share it any time soon. I doubt you’d really like it. It’s a good laugh… but it is also liberating to get furry; kinda a powerful feeling, like don’t mess with my BUSH. Lol but yet, honestly I’m really quite ready to pretty much go nutso with the ‘ol trimmers down there!! ALL OF IT IS GONNA GO.

When I went on a date the other night, and as you can wellllll imagine right now, I’m gonna go into detail about that date, it came up that I am quite hairy at the moment (this, over dinner; not my fault). And when the dude acted like HE was gonna get rid of it all, as if it was his choice, well, I all of a sudden felt like I wouldn’t shave or wax or trim again EVER. No one was gonna get near my furriness. I LOVE my furriness. Back off from my furriness. God bless winter in Montana. Of course, I have to admit, the way I felt pretty much had to do with the fact I wasn’t interested in the guy. REAALLLLYYYY NOT WANTING TO SHAVE at all is what I told him. If there’d been chemistry – it would have been easy to say yes to handing over the trimmers.

I’m going to let you in on a fun little secret. This guy I went on a date with recently doesn’t know I write this blog. I mean, he doesn’t even know about it. I have to go into describing the date a little (or a lot). Eeek. I am probably shooting myself in the foot here. Can we just look at this as a learning lesson for everyone? (not a judgmental, bitchy rant).

Maybe I will do it this way. Let’s make a list of “Dating DO NOTS.” It’s almost ridiculous to think this is necessary or even a thing that others will relate to. But, hey, calling a spade a spade here.

Dating 101, the DO NOTS:

Don’t show up drunk. Sure, have a drink beforehand, I did, but don’t show up drunk. If you stagger to the table, I’m tempted to get up and leave right then and there.

Don’t touch me, and especially don’t touch my face. We are sitting in a public place where I know people and unless I’ve been intimate with you (or I’ve told you already in a text that I WANT to be intimate), I don’t want you touching me.

Don’t demand things from me. For instance, an apology.

Don’t ask me why I’m single in the context of complimenting how I look (attractive). Sure, you can ask why I’m single because I have a very clear answer: I choose to be single. It has nothing to do with how I look (or how nice my ass looks in my jeans).

Don’t ask me what I’m looking for in a man FIVE TIMES (part of the don’t show up drunk), after I’ve, 1. Asked do we really have to have this conversation right now? And 2. Answered the question. I mean, really, do we have to go down that road in the first 30 minutes of meeting each other? Can we save that convo for the second date (which saves us the time because there is no second date).

Don’t call me babe, sweety, or honey. I’m not your babe and I’m really not that sweet either. Go ahead, tell me I am a babe. But, don’t call me babe.

Don’t tell me you aren’t interested in just being friends, and then tell me you loooooove having sex, naughty sex.

When I ask you what you mean by naughty sex, answer the question. Don’t tell ME I might get embarrassed and then not listen to my follow-up explanation, “because I write a sex blog.”

I have 2 pieces of advice: first, if you want to date me, be warned AGAIN you may end up in this blog (disclaimer: I nearly always bring it up; just so happens this time the guy interrupted me and didn’t hear me say I write a sex blog; not my problem); second, if you want me to take you seriously, don’t bring up butt sex in the first hour of meeting you. I love me some anal. But if that isn’t something we’ve already discussed in sexting, and you’ve already told me you are NOT looking for just a “friend” and yet you say to me that what you mean by “naughty sex” is that “all holes are open” during DINNER, well, it’s confusing…and therefore annoying. Is it too much to ask: can I please go on a date where the person sitting across from me is interesting, not irritating?

At least my girlfriends get it:

“I can’t believe it’s so hard to find a guy you can actually say, yes, I’d like to see you again. Good heavens may that day arrive.”

“Oh gawd no. I’m sorry! Butt sex in the first hour???”

“Nice first date openers.” Said no one ever.

SPA NIGHT BLISS TURNS INTO FANTASY LAND

Let’s go back to my spa night. It’s gonna feel soooooo good to get all smoothed up again. And then slather coconut oil ALL OVER my bod. Woopsie!!! Some oil always manages to make its way to my pussy!! Lol with an already glistening pussy (and I’m not talking about from water here) coconut oil is a truly divine match; add in a cock and you’ve got a perfect trio.

I’m feeling SUPER CHARGED. Coconut oil all over can do that. I’m amped up thinking about pleasing my lover in some new, fun, amazing way. When you’ve been fucking for a while it is so easy to just do it the same every time — the way that gets you off (hopefully not quickly and BOTH of you are getting off). I mean that is GOOD. Really good. And the sucking of the cock… well, gotta always pretty much do that. But then there’s also the opportunity to do something a little bit different; introduce something new. Could it be a toy? If there’s never been a toy before. Or, could it be a butt plug? If there’s never been much anal play before. Or, could it be a xxx magazine? If there’s never been porn in the bedroom. I mean, it can be so many things. It could simply be a $5 necklace that’s hanging lusciously over your tits that you’ve never worn before. It could also be a more elaborate fantasy. Like the one I’ve been contemplating lately. I’m going to rearrange some furniture…. move a desk so that when my lover shows up he can go straight to the desk and sit down; the scenario being he’s arriving back to his office after a long day out in the field, but he has to complete some paperwork before he gets to leave the office for the day. Enter – the secretary who has stayed late to be sure that her boss has everything he NEEDS. I keep picturing the 50s secretary. Pretty sure I shared my other fantasy last time writing. The one where my husband gets home and I am sure to have his cocktail and dinner ready. That had a secretary fantasy flair too. Hmmmm and I’ve been a secretary quite a lot in my life. Hmmmmm ….. office sex. Hmmmmmm

I’LL SHOW YOU MINE…. IF…..

Another [obvious] thing to do with your lover is exchange sexy photos and video clips. Earlier this month I was at a friend’s house, we were watching the Olympics. Prior to heading to my friends’ house, I had been lying in bed, “naked and bored” is what I told my lover. I asked for a pic of his dick. (guys please note here, I ASKED for the photo, therefore I WANTED it). He couldn’t oblige me at that moment but indicated he would be able to within the hour; I was already on my way to Olympic viewing. So, my dick pic request turned into a request for a video of him spitting in his hand to lube up his cock and stroke it as he got hard. I was granted my request. I finished watching the Olympics and made my quick exit. I was already wet from my preview and breathless with the thought of the waiting video I had not yet seen. I stepped out of their home. An extremely crisp winter night. I like the way the snow crunched under my feet. Even the crunchy snow felt sensual in that moment. I was on FIRE from seeing my lover’s first video preview: the spitting and the stroking. I wanted to devour it, and him. All my senses were heightened to their maximum. When I awoke the next morning, there was another video waiting for me. His finishing touches.

The ultimate point being, try out your fantasies. More than the suggestions I just gave, start LOOKING for opportunities. I mean, omg, it will send your lovership and relationship and your own giddiness to a whole new level. If a costume is involved, most likely you will still have some of the costume on when you are done fucking because it’s so h.o.t. and you will also have some of the best SEX you’ve ever had. Either that or you’ll laugh and have a good time, until you try next time.

MEMORY LANE

I’m gonna get a little sappy and tell you a few of my fondest, memorable love and sex moments with my greatest loves. No particular order.

I’d offered him a ride home from a concert, and when I dropped him off he said to me, “if I give you my number will you call me.” Much to his surprise, I said, “No.” I meant it. I knew I wouldn’t. But I did tell him if he wanted to get a hold of ME, he could call me where I work and I told him the name of the place. Surprising to me, he remembered the name of the place and he DID call . At the end of the conversation he gave me his number “in case I wanted to call him.” I didn’t call.

Let me just say here, I wasn’t playing games. I wasn’t purposefully doing this because it was what I thought I was supposed to do. I genuinely did not think we would be anything more than a hookup. And I didn’t really want just that. So, I didn’t call him.

Much to my absolute dismay, he called AGAIN. So, ya, then I knew I needed to pay attention. We spent 11 years together. It wasn’t all pleasant, but it was definitely some of my best times too. We are friends even now. He was a romantic. He’d regularly bring bouquets of flowers home. He’d go get me coffee and bring it to me in bed every Saturday morning, along with a muffin. I loved that so very much. And we lived on Maui together so we had a lot of the BEST at our fingertips. Fine dining, beaches, sensual tropical beauty. We had sex on the beach a few times. I’ve written about this sand sex stuff before. One teeny tiny bit of sand can really ruin things. Gotta watch out for that sand when having beach sex.

I’ve already written about another of my favorite moments with a lover in the lagoon of Tahiti. That guy and I also camped on the beach in a tent on an island of Fiji. The sandflies were terrible, but we didn’t pay too much attention to them. We’d had plenty of kava prepped by our local island hosts (this island had no electricity, not even a generator; it was solar if we wanted a warm shower and our food was cooked over a fire; primitive) and ingested other mind-altering things and so when that gigantic storm rolled through the island and rocked our tent on the beach, we just fucked our brains out, passed out, and didn’t even notice. Our friend’s tent got flooded. Ours was flooded for other reasons 😉

Then there was the time I had sex at the top of a pass (it’s happened a few times actually). That doesn’t sound like such a big deal, right? But, I mean, when you’re traveling with your partner/lover (without the kids haha) do you take the time to pull off and fuck on a side road? Car sex is awesome. Get in the back seat, open up the windows. It’s practically like being outside. I really love a man who will drive down a dirt road looking for a secret spot where we can get naked just enough that we can connect our privates and squirt our brains out in ecstasy. Plus it’s a little bit of a thrill – the possibility of getting caught.

WHAT I’M UP TO

I’ve been trying really HARD (wink wink) to get back into consistent writing. WOW has it been a challenge! Remember back in the day when I wrote once a week?!?! That was something and really quite fabulous! I’m so sorry, but I could not keep up with the pace. I mean believe it or not, I do have a life outside of S.E.X. and my Lip Service….. just imagine how busy that Lip Service can be. Have you seen my lips lately? I mean, I have lovely, voluptuous lips. Here, let me show you:

PICTURE – sorry, I couldn’t get a photo that I liked right now.

I loved writing weekly until I just couldn’t keep up. You know I love writing for you all and I’ve been trying to find a new rhythm. I’m thinking I’m shooting for a monthly blog post and a monthly podcast… release month yet to be determined but prob a Christmas Miracle of some sort!! Fingers crossed! I can guarantee it’s gonna be GOOD. I’ve already started making plans for topics and guests. Women kinda want to spill the beans more than EVER!

On that happy spill-the-beans note,

Have a FAB weekend.

You know I send you all my xxxxxxxs and ooooooooos