Birthday BLISS

It’s my BIRTHDAY EVE so I thought I’d PUT OUT for all ya’all!!! WOW what a MONTH I’ve had. Busy with work; super busy with PLAY; sex play, water play, toy play, secret play 😉 LOTS of orgasms, bliss all around. Birthday bliss is the BEST.

In my birthday bliss month-long delay writing for Lily’s Lip Service I wanted to purchase my jade egg and practice, get my yoni in shape. Hahahahaha I just said YONI. Unfortunately, I have to confess, I have not purchased one YET. I’ve done some research however. A friend came across some beotches (well-known beotches) fighting over who is right and who is wrong when it comes to jade egg practice and use. Despite one doctor’s advice (I will post article below) I personally have decided to get the rose quartz egg. I’m partial to rocks. In fact, I have collections of rocks, including one titled “rocks shaped like dicks”!! Woooot. They are lined up on my mantle. I like handling them. It’s pretty fun to handle TWO of them, one in each hand. That’s just a fabulous fantasy – to think about holding two dicks at once. What to do, oh what to do with TWO dicks at once?!?!

WHORING isn’t boring!

My GOD I’m recognizing what I WHORE I can be for cock sometimes. Jeeeeeez. Lol and don’t tell me YOU haven’t been one too – at one time or another. Let’s discuss where and in what circumstance any one of us would  or could become a whore – for ANYTHING that we yearn for – whatever it is we really really really want. I’m not just talking about dick. I’m talking about ANYTHING. You might have to suck dick to get what you really want. You might have to “take it in the ass” to get what you really really want. It’s called being in CONTROL of ourselves and our bodies, whether or not we WANT to suck a dick to get something in return, is up to us to decide. Maybe we are sucking for a handbag, or maybe it’s to get the man himself. We make concessions at times. No harm in that. Recognizing CHOICE here ladies. I kinda like to bend over backwards for a good lay. Literally. Well, ok, I guess I don’t bend over backwards literally; but I bend over forwards, I gladly get screwed from behind, lay on my back, I spread my legs really far apart (I’m quite naturally flexible), I squat, I kneel, I gag, choke, and drool. Sure, push me down, pull my hair too! Spank me. THEN can we go to dinner? By the way – just so no one gets their panties in a bunch – I can pay for my own handbags and dinner if I so choose. What I don’t want to see happen is any sort of negative connotation around whether or not I can do those things in order to GET something in return. This is an energy exchange and just because I might suck dick to get my pussy licked or a dinner purchased – well, in my opinion, that’s a pretty good decision to make. We have a problem here in America…. that is we often want to categorize women: whore or the virgin Mary. There’s a whole lotta gray in between there! Take that and USE it to get your pussy licked, or get that handbag, or get that dinner, or get that ANYTHING that you’ve been wanting badly. Simply put: energy exchange.

Isn’t LUST amazing? wow. Lust will make us do crazy things. I’ve learned with time (that’s called aging, or life experience is another way to say it, nicely lol) that if I channel LUST I can really make some shit happen. It makes me dress up, it makes me fix my hair, it makes me want to exercise (notice I said “want to”), it makes me act kinder, it makes me do allll sorts of things. It CAN make me do some bat-shit crazy things too. That’s where it takes the maturity to channel the energy appropriately. Hey, years ago I had a crazy crazy crazy crush on a married man; it was mutual. NOOOOO we never hooked up, but holy crap it was close a few times. We were real estate agents. We had the codes to lock boxes that opened the doors to condos and houses. That makes for pretty easy access. There was a particular time when he was having an open house. I stopped in. I probably knew HE was there, but it may have been a surprise. Either way, he gave me a tour of the place. Danger. That moment we stood in the master bedroom, right at the end of the bed. ummmmm it’s no wonder people have affairs because if there is a fucking crazy LUST factor, it is nearly impossible to stop the motion of that energy. How DO we stop? Why do we stop? Morals I suppose. Clearly I had some back then. I was so crazy out of my mind with lust that I started RUNNING on the beach. I don’t run. Ever. Not even for something that you’d think I would run for. Except dick apparently. I needed an outlet for the sexual energy. I ran. This was on Maui and the vog (vog is fog from the volcano, very toxic gasses to be exact) happened to be particularly bad this one week. I ran anyway. I gave myself a lung infection. So, yes, while lust can be channeled positively, it can certainly turn around and bite us in the ass if we aren’t careful. There’s a lesson here, right? Watch out for lust!

ANTI-climactic is the opposite of CLIMAX-tic!

Just because you are feeling lustful for someone, doesn’t mean the sex will turn out that great. In fact, I don’t think it ever really has for me personally; or maybe one time it did. I’m talking about when we have crushes on someone, for instance like the married man I spoke of above. I’m not talking about our lovers because hopefully, yes, we are lusting for our lovers. I’m talking about the mystery man on the plane, or the mailman, or the neighbor, or your coworker, or the produce man. Oh jeez. How many times have you followed that lust and it was soooooooo anti-climactic. I’ve experienced it, I’ve heard others’ stories of experiencing it. So, when we take this risk and fuck that married man – it just might not be worth it. In fact, what I’m saying is I believe it rarely lives up to the FANTASY. That is often deterrent enough for me at this point in my life; because I’ve gone down that road. I don’t think it’s morals that stop me, haha, but knowing from experience that LUST rarely plays out in real life with that dude you’ve had the HOTS for for seven months. QUICK RELATED SIDE NOTE: Guys, seriously. If you BRAG to someone you barely know about how good you are in bed – that is a HUGE turnoff. Again, in my experience, the WORST lovers I’ve had are the ones that brag about being the best. Ewwww. Stop that shit., if you want to be taken seriously. This guy I’m thinking of, in particular, also shared he likes to have sex A LOT. What he told me was twice a day. Now, I’m a fucking horny chick; I like to have sex, I would have a lot of sex if/when my lover were nearby more often. BUT, I’m gonna say – SEX twice a day seems unrealistic. Here’s why I think so: I think if you are masturbating, sure, twice a day could and would work. But, come on, there’s a difference between getting off twice a day… and FUCKING twice a day. To me, fucking is intended to satisfy on so many levels and in so many ways, that twice a day as far as TIME is concerned is kinda out of the question. I’m really just saying I’m suspicious of it. Dudes, if you are in the habit of getting off twice a day – it’s very possible you need to evaluate your sexuality and maybe even whether or not you are a very good lover. I’m not going to say that’s true of everyone. Of course not. But, there’s some serious suspicion there. Mostly because I know that when I’m masturbating – I can have 3 or 4 or 5 orgasms and want more. But if I’m getting fucked properly – I can have 3 orgasms and feel a sense of satisfaction that doesn’t come from just “getting off”. You think about it. I’m going to continue to think about this topic. It seems I’ve only touched the surface here.


On another note – I flashed my tits last week. Not just flashed but pulled up my top, jumped up and down, ran up and down the dock. At a firefighting helicopter dipping its bucket in the lake. I was lounging on the dock and thought, hey, why not?? It was fucking FUN. At first I heard myself condescendingly saying to myself… wow, now that was real classy. But, I quickly realized that is wholly unnecessary – to speak to myself that way. As if I don’t hear sexual negativity from the rest of the world enough as it is. Wow sometimes we can just absolutely be our own worst enemies! You know what?? FUCK CLASSY. We’ve all been marinating in stupid, archaic, religious, dysfunctional sexual concepts for hundreds of years; those years now wasted. It’s time to say, hmmmm, ya, I’m gonna flash my tits sometimes and that’s AWESOME. It felt great. Pretty sure the pilot kinda liked it too. Don’t ask me how I know. I don’t share EVERYTHING here. If you can fathom that.

Back to the jade egg dispute. Apparently Gwyneth Paltrow has a website and sells jade eggs. She got into a dispute with a physician about whether or not using jade eggs is safe and effective or harmful and ineffective. The physician has one good point: bacteria. Gotta watch for the bacteria. So I’ve been told that staying away from eggs that are made out of rock is best; i.e. get one that is made of silicone. Go here for an article that gives links to both Gwyneth’s site and the doctor’s blog:

What I want to say here is – watch out for the bacteria, listen to the doctor’s advice, but trust your own instincts. I still think I’m gonna get the rose quartz egg. But, I am VERY aware of my body and especially my vagina. I’m not necessarily a fan of a doctor who really honestly seems like she needs to get laid more and comes across like she’s never squirted in her life. No offense to all of you who haven’t squirted, but just sayin’ don’t give advice about squirting if you haven’t tried it, right?? I’m going to get both the rose quartz and a silicone egg… and go from there. I will be VERY careful and I will REPORT my results here. You know it!!


I am seriously NOT making this up: 3 things that I’ve done for myself, specifically for my birthday, have ended up costing SIXTY-NINE dollars. I bought myself a really cool crystal lamp: $69. I bought myself some super scandalous heels: $69. I got a pedicure last night: $69. Clearly – the universe is trying to tell me something. Why not listen? I’m enjoying this THEME and I’m gonna go ahead and visit my lover tonight and get some more BIRTHDAY SIXTY-NINE. I certainly want to be sure to have a freshly-fucked face for my BIRTHDAY tomorrow!

Until next time, you know I love you!

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